5 easy tricks to get the most out of your vehicle
Transportation is important in the modern world. We humans must travel to and from our jobs, to the electricity store, to the hospital, and countless other places. It is therefore vastly important to get the most out of our vehicles, and the following tips will help you avoid frustrating maintenance and repair costs.
1. Avoid Turning
The fastest way from one place to another (with the exception of space-time distortion, which will not be invented on this planet for another 452 years) is a straight line. To travel in the most efficient way, one must travel along the most efficient route: a straight line. Simply position the front of your vehicle toward your end destination and accelerate. You will find that most, if not all, obstacles can easily be driven through or over.
2. Horse Power
The unit of measurement used to describe a vehicle's level of strength is a 'horse,' named after the number of horses that perished while battling against any one particular vehicle. When considering vehicles, it is always advisable to search for the one that has killed the most horses, as it will be the alpha male in the car lot.
Alpha male vehicles will be able to travel farther and carry a heavier load without having to stop to rest and have a drink of water.
Of course, one can always raise the horse power of their vehicle manually by draining the blood of any number of horses and feeding it to the vehicle.
Pictured: A Tuscan Battle Horse prepares to duel with a Mercedes-Benz.
3. Air Freshener
It is vitally important to keep the air in the interior of a vehicle fresh and clean. The best way to do this is by hanging a small, green tree within the compartment. The tree will absorb carbon dioxide through its lungs and convert it into oxygen through a process called "breathing."
To optimize interior air usage, it is advisable to reroute old air from the vehicle's exhaust back into the interior, to be freshened by the tree, and therefore recycled.
4. Feeding
Most vehicles are omnivores, and prefer a combination of corn and highly processed meat. To get the most work our of your vehicle, it is most advisable to feed it organic, grain-fed meat and fresh corn. One most also be very careful what age they transition a vehicle from nursing to solid food.
Vehicles love fresh corn.
5. Parallel Parking
Parallel parking describes the scenario in which the parallel versions of a particular car in any given universe happen to be parked in the same place, thereby causing quantum entanglement between universes.
It is always best to avoid this situation whenever possible, as one may find that their car behaves exactly as it's counterpart in a parallel universe, leaving its owner powerless to control it, no matter how much time he or she has spent training it.
Following these guidelines should help one get the most out of their pure-bred or mixed breed vehicle, which vastly improves the life of you and everyone around you.
