Thousands die in the most successful Earth Day celebration ever
As we all know, yesterday was Earth Day, and thanks to the efforts of the Earth Day Council, this year's Harvest is looking bright.
Nelly Waterson, chair of the Earth Day Council, said last night's human sacrifice was the largest in recorded history.
"Mother Earth has an insatiable appetite," Waterson said. "But I'm confident that we have satisfied her for the coming year."
The extraordinary number of Special Lottery winners was a result of a happy accident, Waterson said.
"Usually the computer randomly selects exactly one thousand numbers," Waterson said. "But this year, when we changed the algorithm to accommodate secondary prizes, there must have been some mistake. We ended up awarding a little over three thousand Grand Prizes."
Nelson Philips, who won the honor of being the festival's executioner, said it was one of the greatest honors of his life.
"I always love the festival, and of course the human sacrifice," Philips said. "I always wanted to win the Grand Prize, but I never thought I'd be allowed to award Grand Prizes to others. It was truly amazing."
Nelson Philips peronally awarded over three thousand Grand Prizes this year.
Waterson said that although the festival is over, there is still plenty of work to be done.
"Now that the survivors have gone home, it's time for us to start cleaning up the Grand Prize winners," Waterson said. "And after that, it's never too early to start planning for next year."
Waterson said that because of the great reception of the increased number of Grand Prizes awarded, next year's festival will have at least the same number of prizes, if not more.
"We're always looking for ways to improve the festival," Waterson said. "We're already talking about increasing the number of skizzle circles."
