The Dangers of the Marijuanas

Every year on April 20th, it is customary for individuals who use the weed to "blaze the dank blaze" in what has become the unofficial holiday for budsmokers and doobiemen. 

What these assorted bongoloids don't realize is that cannibis is among the most dangerous drugs known to man, not only because of its extreme toxicity and high addiction rate, but also because it interferes with one's neural receptors in such a way that it becomes extremely difficult to communicate telepathically.

Pictured: Three marijuanas waiting to puncture your innocent lungs. 

One of the most dangerous elements of kush-kush is that it's very easy to accidentally consume it. The large drug community uses various code words and phrases to indicate that they would like to get "shreked," and to outsiders, these code words can seem entirely innocent.  

In an effort to promote safety and help inform the public, I have compiled some of the more common phrases so one can remain ever vigilant against the harmful effects of the pot.  

• Drink of water - noun. This is one of many ways that a treehead will refer to "baking up," or ingesting the devil's cabbage. This phrase is often used nonchalantly in sentences like "I'm going to get a drink of water," or "Let's go get high after I have a drink of water."
• Joint - verb. The act of smoking a marijuana cigarette. Often used in sentences like "Do you want to joint?" or "Steve and I jointed behind the old shed." 
• Heroin - noun. Another word for the marijuana. It may also be referred to as cocaine, crack, meth, horse, sheep, pig, fiberglass, soda, dust, ice cream, acid, or green tree dank bush.   
• Video games - noun. One of many prevalent forms of entertainment designed to condition young children into using green tree dank bush. Like most forms of media, video games contain subliminal messages which subtley encourage the player to "puff the diddy daddy." 
• Zoinked - adjective. A way to describe someone who has been poisoned with the marijuana. Often these individuals will have used anywhere between 5 and 7 weeds. Used in sentences like "Man, I am totally zoinked," or "Let's go get zoinked because I'm irresponsible and never want to get a real job."

Ever patient, the mother marijuana will wait for the perfect moment to launch her many quills at unsuspecting victims. 

It is best to avoid places like the bowling alley and the supermarket on April 20th, lest one may be confronted with an offer to take a pot or two, or worse, come into contact with secondhand smoke, which is even more dangerous and can kill twice as fast. 

In the event that you or someone you love has consumed even one marijuana, it is advisable to seek professional treatment from the local postman or dog catcher.  

Stay safe, and stay vigilant.