Ravenous Rabbit: An Easter History
As families across the nation and throughout the world huddle quietly in their homes today, praying that all of the Easter eggs have been found and destroyed, many may find some comfort in remembering the history of this unique holiday.
In the late 1800’s, a group of scientists in Russia began a series of genetic modification experiments involving plants and small rodents. Their goal, allegedly, was to win the prize at a local farmer’s market for the largest carrot.
After many failed attempts at cross-breeding carrots with various mammals and other animals, one scientist, Dr. Igor ‘Easter’ Bykov (who had earned his nickname due to his uncanny resemblance to the statues found on Easter Island), accidentally contaminated many of the DNA samples with samples that he had taken from his niece’s pet rabbit.
While many of the resulting chimera died almost immediately, one unfortunate creature lived. The exact details of which species composed this new creature is a subject of hot debate in the scientific community, but most agree that the rabbit creature contained some amount of shark, as well as some sort of bird, likely a chicken.
Easter eggs can be found in a large variety of colors and patterns. All are dangerous and should be handled with extreme care.
Dr. Bykov kept his mistake hidden from the world, raising and observing it in his private study. One night, however, Bykov came into his study after a long night measuring carrots to find that his creature was not in its cage, and had laid a colorful assortment of eggs, all hidden around his office. Bykov gathered the eggs as best he could, but there was no sign of his original creature.
Bykov kept the eggs for observation. He suspected that without a reproductive partner, the eggs were unfertalized, and as time passed with no discernible change in the eggs, he concluded that the creature would likely die in the wild, the last and only one of its kind, unable to reproduce. He crushed each egg he had found, just to be safe, and disposed of them.
The following year, in early spring, Bykov could hear noises coming from his closet. Those who investigated the scene afterward concluded that Bykov had opened his closet to find that he had overlooked a single egg, which had hatched. What followed could best be described as an animal attack, one that proved fatal. Autopsy reports showed that Bykov was killed by a creature which was “roughly the size of a man” with the “distinct bite pattern of a rabbit” and “large, floppy ears.”
A single unchecked Easter egg, as pictured here in the Amazonian rain forest, could spell certain doom for an entire village.
Word spread of Easter’s Rabbit, and soon neighborhoods throughout Russia were hunting for the colorful and distinctive eggs that the creature left behind, hoping to prevent the species from proliferating. Unfortunately, several eggs were undiscovered, and the following year there was a rash of animal attacks, once again in the early spring.
As the years past, residents throughout the country continued to hunt for colorful eggs, but each year there seemed to be more and more overlooked, and more animal attacks. These attacks spiraled outward from Russia and into surrounding countries. Several particularly well hidden eggs made it into airplanes, and today the problem of the Easter Bunny is one that reaches every known continent.
Residents are advised to search their homes and neighborhoods throughly for all Easter eggs during the day, and to remain hidden indoors after sundown. As in years previous years, residents can expect an alert via text from their local government agencies when the threat has passed.
