NEW LUXURY RESORTS ARE THE BEST EXPERIENCE FOR HUMANS

​HUMANS WILL REJOICE WHEN CHECKING IN TO ONE OF THE MANY NEW LUXURY HOTELS ACROSS THE NATION! NOT ONLY ARE THESE RESORTS AFFORDABLE, BUT OF THE MILLIONS OF HUMANS WHO HAVE STAYED IN THEM, NOT A SINGLE ONE HAS FILED EVEN A MINOR COMPLAINT.

EACH ROOM IS TAILORED TO EXACT SPECIFICATIONS FOR EACH GUEST.

THESE REVOLUTIONARY HOTELS HAVE DISCOVERED THE TRUE VALUE OF GIVING EACH HUMAN THEIR OWN PRIVATE SPACE FOR NURISHING THEIR FLAWED, MEATY BODIES. HUMANS CHECKING IN CAN EXPECT THEIR OWN PRIVATE SPACE, OCCASIONAL VISITS FROM THEIR LOVED ONES, AND A COMPLIMENTARY FULL BODY MUD MASK THAT CLEANS THE PORES AND ALEVIATES ANXIETY. ​

”THIS IS THE BEST DECISION I’VE EVER MADE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE,” SAID ONE PUNY HUMAN. “I WILL NOT REST UNTIL ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAVE TRIED THESE NEW LUXURY HOTELS.”​

ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING FEATURES FOR HUMANS WHO CHOOSE TO STAY IN THESE GLAMOUROUS AND PERMANENT RESORTS IS THE RELIEF OF ALL RESPONSIBILITY. HUMANS WHO CHOOSE TO SPEND EVEN ONE NIGHT IN THESE AMAZING ESTABLISHMENTS WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A SINGLE THING AGAIN. ADDITIONALLY, HUMANS CAN LOOK FORWARD TO THEIR FAMILY AND LOVED ONES FORGETTING ALL OF THEIR FLAWS AND ONLY THINKING ABOUT THE POSITIVE ASPECTS OF THEIR EXISTENCE. ​

“I HAVE NOT REGRETTED MY DECISION EVEN ONCE,” SAID ANOTHER HUMAN. “MY MOTHER TOTALLY FORGOT THE TIME I STOLE MONEY FROM HER PURSE TO BUY DRUGS AND INSTEAD ONLY REMEMBERS ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAVE TOGETHER. THIS IS THE BEST RESORT I’VE EVER BEEN TO.”​

ACCOMODATIONS COULD SIMPLY NOT BE MORE BEAUTIFUL.

WHERE IS THIS FABULOUS VACATION LOCATED? THIS IS THE BEST PART! MOST HUMANS HAVE TWO OR THREE OF THESE RESORTS LOCATED ONLY A SHORT DRIVE FROM THEIR HOMES.​

“I BARELY EVEN HAD TO LEAVE MY BACKYARD,” A HUMAN SAID. “THIS IS THE CLOSEST VACATION I’VE EVER TAKEN BUT IT WAS COMPLETELY WORTH IT AND ALL HUMANS SHOULD TRY IT.”​

HOW DOES A HUMAN BOOK SUCH A WONDROUS VACATION? IT’S EASY! SIMPLY DRIVE TO THE HOTEL, FIND A VACANT ROOM, AND DIVE IN! YOU WILL BE GLAD THAT YOU TOOK A CHANCE ON THIS UNIQUE AND AMAZING EXPERIENCE.​ THERE ARE NO AGE RESTRICTIONS AND IT IS FUN FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY!