Scientists have confirmed that after a long pause, the flow of time has finally resumed. It is theorized that this pause was the result of a quantum abnormality caused by a recent theoretical event, possibly a result of last week when theoretical physicist Dr. Weldon may have traveled through time.

"Regardless of what caused it, we can be sure that time ceased altogether for a period of time that took no time at all," said physicist Dr. Jack Basil. "Thanks to relativity, most people were entirely unaware of this abnormality, but from a fourth-dimensional perspective, there is a gap in time that spans for several thousand years."

Fourth-dimensional being Treistllua Flev'm said it first noticed the pause at the beginning of eternity.

"All that is and all that ever will be has already come to pass," Flev'm said. "The future and the past are no more than concurrent versions of the present, each happening at every moment."

Flev'm warned that a gap this size was large enough to allow entrance to the third dimension from the fourth and that a truly terrible entity has corrupted reality.

"None will escape its terrible gaze," Flev'm said. "The Eye exists where it did not before and its hunger is endless."

"One explanation for this pause is self-correction," Basil said. "We tend to think of time in a linear fashion, but things outside of our three-dimensional perspective perceive time as a plane that can be freely traveled, much like we perceive space. If an even occurs to alter time at any point, the current timeline may freeze or shift, depending on what has happened. For example, before the pause, I had eaten a ham sandwich. Now that time has resumed, I realize that I do not like ham. In fact, I've never liked ham. I actually ate a turkey sandwich."

To date, experts assure us that Daylight Saving Time has not been affected.