HUMANS ALL OVER THE EARTH ARE ENJOYING THE NEW FASHION TREND FOR ATTRACTIVE HUMANS CALLED MIND COLLARS.

THESE NIFTY AND STYLISH COLLARS ARE DESIGNED TO FIT SNUGLY ON ANY HUMAN'S NECK AND ATTACH FIRMLY TO THE BASE OF THE SUBJECTS BRAIN STEM THROUGH A ONE-TIME PAIN-FREE SURGICAL PROCEDURE.

"I LOVE MY MIND COLLAR," SAID A TRENDY AND HIP HUMAN. "NO LONGER AM I BURDENED BY FREE WILL OR EXISTENTIALISM."

"MY DECISION TO GET A MIND COLLAR WAS THE BEST AND LAST DECISION I WILL EVER MAKE," SAID ANOTHER HUMAN WHO IS SMART AND COOL. "THANKS TO THE MIND COLLAR, I NOW FEEL SYMPATHY AND SLIGHT DISGUST FOR ALL HUMANS WHO DO NOT HAVE A MIND COLLAR."

LUCKILY FOR HUMANS, THIS HOT NEW TREND IS CURRENTLY BEING SHIPPED TO YOUR ADDRESS WITHOUT ANY NEED OF A CURRENCY TRANSACTION.*

"I JUST OPENED THE BOX AND THE COLLAR DID THE REST," SAID ONE LUCKY HUMAN. "I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO PUT IT ON. IT JUST IMMEDIATELY SHOT FROM THE BOX TO MY NECK BEFORE I EVEN UNDERSTOOD WHAT KIND OF GREAT GIFT I HAD BEEN GIVEN."

MIND COLLARS HAVE RECEIVED UNIVERSAL PRAISE FROM ALL WHO TRY THEM.

"I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY JOB OR FAMILY," SAID ANOTHER HUMAN. "I HAVE NO WORRIES AT ALL. I REALIZE NOW THAT FREEDOM IS THE ANTITHESIS OF HAPPINESS. CHOICE IS A PRECURSOR TO REGRET. LIFE IS HOW DEATH BEGINS."

HUMANS WHO WISH TO TRY THIS AMAZING NEW FASHION NEED ONLY ALLOW 3-5 WEEKS FOR SHIPPING.

*TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY